A bloke named Chris finds himself beyond the Black Stump

Day 1:
So, after leaving Sydney, we jumped on a plane North (3 hour flight) to the tropical paradise in North Queensland, the town of Cairns. A resort town, overflowing with white beaches and tropical rainforest. I suppose Hawaii is a very close reference to the look of North Queensland. Strangely though, despite the 75-degree winter, the tourists did not crowd the area and made it quite peaceful.

After checking in at the hotel early (around noon) we decided to walk the esplanade that stretched the entire length of Cairns' waterfront (maybe 4 miles). It was like out of a postcard. The sand was white, the ocean blue, and the harbor had all these beautiful green mountains protecting it on all sides. The harbor didn't support large cruise ships or commercial vessels (their not allowed in the area) so the sea was filled with sail boats and pleasure ships. We stopped at this small sidewalk caf called the Villa Romano where I found myself trying the strangest food. That night I ordered this "Game Dinner" that was Kangaroo, Emu and Crocodile.

My analysis:

Kangaroo: Tasted surprisingly like sirloin steak. Looked almost identical to steak tips. Seemed to be a bit like rabbit (ultra gamey) insanely tough to cut.

Emu: Also looked like steak but was crimson, like the color of blood. Tender, and could be pulled apart like Chicken. Tasted like game bird or dark meat turkey.

Crocodile: The most unique of the three, looked a lot like scallops, has the consistency of pork chops and tasted like a cross between chicken and scallops (fishy chicken). Also was very dry like white meat.

Then we did some shopping, at night the waterfront turns into a giant night market with all these ultra unique and interesting pieces of art, bottled wines, and jewelry, and you can haggle the prices and suchvery fun (a Mecca for shoppers everywhere). (Side Note: remember how I said the authentic Aborigine artwork would be an important part lateryahwell) It was in the night markets and some of the surrounding shops (that never seemed to close) that I was able to seriously sit down with some real Aborigine people and discuss how to weed through all the tourist garbage and find the items I was looking to purchase. If you look long enough at a large variety of shops, you can train your eye to pick out the fraud pieces and those shops that sell the mass-produced imitation stuff (they always advertise authenticwhich is twisted, the Aborigine people may own the factorybut the machines cut and paint the wood etc.).

That was also our first night of Opal shopping. Australia is the leading world supplier of Opal stones (95f the world's Opals); many of the mines are in Queensland. It was the perfect opportunity to put something unique in Alyssa's jewelry box at a decent price. Many of the Opals we found in Sydney were overpriced and doublets or triplets (you want the singlets it's how many breaks are between the color layers of the stone), here we were finding stones that were all singlets, looked great under a magnifying glass (yah, I'm anal when I buy jewelry) and were twice as big for a quarter the price, but day 1 is just for looking

Later that night we went into a pub advertising Cane Toad racing. So Alyssa being Alyssa needed to participate. So after listening to this below average band on stageshe went and registered us as the number 2 frog and named him "Chewbacca" for the evening, the toads were huge (like the size of Bull frogs).

Rules for Cane Toad Racing:

1. All the frogs (10) got put in an upside down bucket in the center of a ring (maybe 10ft) the ref, pulls the bucket straight up and all the toads go crazy for the edge of the ring hoping and jumping out of the ring and jumping on each other's heads etc.

2. First toad to the wall wins.

First race, Chewbacca doesn't move an INCH!!! He just sits there licking his eyeball. In between races, there was this goofy ceremony where they named Miss Cane Toad for the night, from a selection of drunken girls, and all the guys in the bar bought her drinks. Then the MC, after seeing the Red Sox logo on my hat, unloaded about Americans and our stupid governmentafter which he proceeded to continue making fun of every other nationality he could think of. After the second race, and another episode of Chewbacca sitting on his butt, scratching his side with his legwe called it a night.

Day 2:
After an early breakfast, we took a bus to the town of Freshwater, where we met our Tjapukai representatives who gave us our passes for our planned day (we arranged most of this from home weeks before). We took a steam-powered train up through the sugar cane fields of North Queensland's and into the Rainforest on our way to the Aboriginal town of Kuranda. The train was slow, but the view was worth the ride, waterfalls falling down into huge basins below the rainforest canopy, the train goes through 15 different tunnels along the way. All manner of tropical birds passing by over the train cars. The town of Kuranda overall was a disappointment, mostly shops and cafes, very touristy. However, I did find an awesome dealer who was selling some great aboriginal stuff, but in typical fashion, I decided.."I still might find something better, later". There was a butterfly sanctuary in Kuranda, I would have enjoyed seeing, but we booked our day too tight and didn't have the time to fit it in.

To get down from Kuranda up in the mountains we took a skyrail (for over an hour and a half), which made three stops along the way to adjust its direction over the forest canopy. WOW, the rainforest was huge, and being only inches above it, looking down through the tree canopy made you appreciate it's splendor. Getting off at the "Adjustment points" we tagged along on some tours going on in the rainforest.

Interesting facts from the tours I listened in on:

1. There are these beautiful giant leafed plants on the rainforest floor, and they look super soft, so dumb backpackers use them to wipe their asses with. Well, um, the reason they look so soft is because they're covered with millions of tiny glasslike barbs that inject toxins. Even more stupid people, try using water to make the pain stopyet it only spreads the toxin deeper (the toxin's effects last roughly 6 months). If you want to remove the effects before thatuse tape to pull out the barbs.

2. Most of the "bushtucker" is difficult to find, and many poisonous plants look like food, but are dangerous. There are small red berries in the forest, that when ingested, will turn you blind for a couple days.

3. In the rainforest there are parasitic plants that use the trees around them to sustain themselves. One of these plants (Basket Fern) looks like a giant wicker basket the size of a small car, and hangs 100's of ft up in the canopy, using the trees around it, to hold itself up in the canopy. When it's time to seed, the baskets plummet to the ground and crash into the earth exploding. The sound of one of these falling can create stampedes of animals in the forest. (The tour guide said they sound like bombs falling from the sky).

4. The most dangerous animal is not the Saltwater Croc, the Tasmanian Devil, or any of the 20 most dangerous snakes in the world (all live in Australia). It's the Cassowary bird (the tribal totem animal of the local Aborigines). The bird is a giant flightless bird like an Enu but has razor sharp claws like a Raptor, is silent when it most, and is incredibly unpredictable. The birds live in the rainforest I was in, and the major concern about the animal is that it's so unpredictable, with no tell-tale signs of it's intentions, it can suddenly slice your entire midsection open in less then a heartbeat.

The skyrail ultimately takes you to the Tjapukai Aboriginal Park (a cultural park owned by native Aborigines, where they personally share their history and culture (it was NOT cheap to get in)). I expected the park to be a functioning village (sort of like Plymouth in MA); instead it was a lot like semi-private (small group) sit down discussions in an environment that looked sort of like a village. It gave me an incredibly understanding of their culture, past and present. They demonstrated traditional dancing techniques and the proper usage of the more common Aboriginal musical instruments. Alyssa and I were taught how to properly throw a boomerang for the best effect, and how to properly throw a spear without killing your instructor (Alyssa sucks at both). We were told the original stories of the "Dreamtime" and the "Making', they explained their philosophies on totem spirits and the proper naming of babies when their born. They taught us to find proper "bushtucker" and the use of some simple herbal medicines. They showed me how to properly play the Didgeridoo (that's important later), they can't show women really. Women are not suppose to use a Didgeridoo, the legends say that women who do, can become pregnant with evil spirits

Most difficult of all for me, was their sad stories about the recent past (last 100 years) and their oppression; how settlers enslaved them, hunted them like animals, the government paid people to destroy their culture and their villages. Only now after so much extinction are they beginning to become a nation again (they didn't have equal rights until the 70's). Of course, this rebirth looks a lot like the Native Americans and their casinos, and one Aborigine boy gloated to me about his new BMW. After the cultural park we grabbed a bus back to Cairns.

That night we bought the Opal ring in a small store in Cairns. The owner of the store ended up to be this awesome old Scottish husband and wife. They owned their own mine and we bought the ring off them personally (they had been living in this paradise, mining these stones for 36 years), I was very impressed by the service (but then againwhen you spend a decent amount of moneyyah you know the saying). We also went back to the night markets, to these two girls that sold living oysters out of a bathtub. You pick the oyster, they cut it open live in front of you, pull the random pearl out and make a necklace out of it right in front of you (we ended up with 2 peach, 1 white and 1 champagne colored). We bought these as gifts for Em, Sam and Misa back home. I took a lot of pictures to show everyone later how the small little booth was run and how they had almost ritualized the process. The coolest part was that after they made the necklaces, they gift wrapped them back into the polished shells of the oysters.

That was also the night I got the Didgeridoo, buying off a small booth in the night market that had proper documentation as the authenticity of his Aboriginal products. I had looked at HUNDREDS of "didge's" at that point, and I found the perfect one (the sound plays in key "C" sharp for anyone that cares).

Story behind the paintings on my Didgeridoo:
(Remember how I said I fell in love with the Echidnas at the zoo, well the "didge" is painted in the story of "The Echidna and the Goanna")

As the story goes, the Echidna and the Goanna were best friends during the dreamtime. While the echidna hunted for their food and fed the pair, the Goanna would guard and protect his friend the echidna from danger. One night by the fire, the echidna fell asleep, and while he slept, the goanna ate all the food. When the echidna awoke to find the food gone and the goanna's belly bulging he became furious. Grabbing a flaming red stick from the fire, the echidna began to beat the goanna, chasing him all over the outback beating and smacking him with the flaming stick. Ever since that day, the sons and daughters of the goanna remember that day with the bright red lines that criss-cross their scaled backsides

So after purchasing the "Didge" we paid the $100 bucks to ship the massive instrument home to RI, and continued the shopping spree. Next we found a vendor selling unique and original wine he was producing himself. The perfect gift for Joe and Stacey's wedding. I think we bought them "Dragon Fruit", Chocolate, and the other was "Lime Tequila" wine, and then we found these cool wine holders with Aboriginal paintings on them. We gave them the wine when we got home, because they have a wine cellar and we don't (sort of an early present I guess).

Day 3:
Today started early, as we needed to get aboard the ship and out to sea. We decided today we'd visit the Great Barrier Reef and do some snorkeling (I'm a certified diver, I have my license and have trained specialties in advanced open water and dry suit certification. However, Alyssa doesn't, and I could tell the idea of jumping into a reef of sharks and 100ft deep water was difficult for her, so I decided to snorkel with her and play bodyguard. Besides, it made the whole day lessserious and more carefree).

The ride on the bus was about an hour and a half, and follow a highway RIGHT on the coast. For the whole ride, the white beach never ceased along the roadside for a second, it was like a hundred miles of perfect beach, and I saw maybe 2 people on that entire stretch of sand. The ship we boarded was in Port Douglas (that's where all the ships ARE allowed). The ship wasn't too big, and the guests probably numbered around 30. When we sat down inside the ship, a family from Boston sat down with us, but before the ship even left anchor, the mother got sick and the family bailed on the trip then a strange couple named Anna and Gavin sat with us. They were in their 40's I'd say, but weren't married, in fact, it seemed this cruise was a romantic getaway for some exotic affair for the two. She was Swedish and had a thick accent; he was an Aussie from Melbourne. I was never really sure if they were just friendsor romantically involved, they sent weird vibes. We also met another young couple, schoolteachers from New Jersey on their honeymoon.

It took about two hours of fast traveling northeast to reach the reef. We did a total of three dives in three different locations. Again by just snorkeling I was able to just hang over the reef for literally hours, and seeing as the reef actually protruded out of the water in placesthere wasn't much need to dive anyhow. The boat typically anchored right off the reef, so the drop off the back of the boat, combined with the extensive wildlife in the water, even made me nervous jumping off. The first dive, required a little acclimation for Alyssa to build some coordination in her breathing, and some confidence in the water, but the wildlife was amazing and there was a huge amount of large and dynamic corals. On the second dive (at another location), it rained for a few minutes, but the sight of the rain hitting the water's surface was rather amazing to see, and it did little to mute the extensive colors of the reef right below the surface. I played with a small group of clownfish obsessed with their individual bubble anemones. You could also hear the Crasse fish biting the coral and making a snapping sound when you approached. At the third dive (yet another location), the reef was almost circular (known as "The Castle") and we swam around its length, bumping into two curious but friendly sharks on one side. I saw a lot of larger schools of fish on this dive (in particular a school of probably a million Blue Damsels ((numbering in the thousands at times, like clouds of rainbow colored flower pedals)). Alyssa had a lot of difficulty with the current here (she's not a strong swimmer), so I found myself jumping ahead and turning around a few times.

After returning to port, we jumped on the bus back to Cairns (again down that incredible highway) and ended the night at the only Italian restaurant we found in Australia.

Interesting points about the nature of the reef, that I learned for the first time:

1. The reef sometimes actually bunches into these massive jagged shapes that completely stick straight out of the water.

2. The dive tours (instead of damaging the reef) actually place their moorings around the reefs, each dive tour in the area, having their own mooring.

3. The territorial nature of the animals is incredibly apparent on the reef, and the dive instructors can actually find the same exact animals in the same locations each and every day. Some instructors going as far as training some of the wild animals to take food from their hands, encouraging the animals to not fear and actually approach humans in the water.

Day 4:
The last day. This was our "down day", sleeping in for a change, or trying to, we found ourselves out the door by 8am. Finished up most of the shopping, sat at the man-made lagoon for a bit watching the waves pound the beach. I decided to attempt a quick trip into the mountains to that artifact vendor in Kuranda. I paid a man $2 to drive me there (over an hour drive). The store vendor was so impressed that with my persistence that I ended up working him down 50n his goods. I ended up buying my second, third, and fourth boomerangs off him (two were gifts), a set of clap sticks, and 2 bullroarers (1 was a gift), all authentic. Another $2 dollar ride back to town and the shopping was officially done. On the ride I met two cool Aussies, both guys were from Sydney, one was an investment banker, and the other was a lawyer, they were both insanely interested in hearing about America. Talking to all these people on the trip was some of the best fun I had out there, the Australian people are so warm and friendly, and it seems that by the end of each conversation, you feel like you've known them your whole life.

Day 5:
The day from hell; our travel day started at 4am the next morning with a shuttle ride to the airport in Cairns and ended with the third plan flight of the day landing in Boston at 11pm the same day. Doesn't sound bad right, until you realize that I lived through 38 hours between 4am and 11pm (38 HOURS!!!) I could have died (I can't sleep on planes remember). Because the day kept "resetting" on me, I ate breakfast 3 times that day, the worst coming from a Chili's in L.A. (who at 10am when I arrived, was still serving BREAKFAST.ARGH!!!!!) The best part of this day was what happens to the sun when you catch up with tomorrow before the end of today. Somewhere over the Pacific, the hours jumped something like 10 hours ahead INSTANTLY, and the sun set in a matter of seconds as the next day showed up before the last day came close to ending, and within a couple hours rose again on the horizon as we caught back up with yesterday, it was bizarreit didn't seem to make any sense, but it seemed to interest everyone on the plane who was seeing it for the first time. (Did I mention that the Pacific ocean is HUGE!!!)

Final thoughts on Cairns:
-Much more laid back then Sydney
-Loved the night markets
-The food service was abysmal
-Hotel clerks are my heroes
-Super friendly people EVERYWHERE