Fighting Grendel

It seems each of us, in our own way, fights an enemy we can never truly overcome. Everyday we wake up to our very own Grendel, who lurks behind every corner, waiting to gain the upper hand in a war of against ourselves. This enemy within seems to take on countless forms, different for each of us. For some it can be chronic illness, for others the pain of loss, and yet still others who now stand on the front lines of a war in a foreign land, far from their loved ones. Each moment of pleasure can remind us of that hidden pain. Each perfect day, overshadowed by that struggle within.

Like the hero Beowulf, we live (in part) to deal with this monster, fighting a battle we ourselves perceive as hopeless, yet we fight all the same. Forever trying to defeat, an enemy that at least in some way, is part of who we are.

For me...I face an enemy that although I can scare, I can never kill...for it will surely kill me first.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Having the illness makes me one of 18.2 million Americans who have the disease, and for anyone who doesn't know much about the illness, there is no cure. The disease is caused when your body doesn't produce enough insulin to break down the sugars in food, or you body simply builds a resistance to it's own insulin. The disease itself is not life threatening, however the countless complications caused by the illness can cause all manner of major medical conditions, including: Heart disease, Kidney failure, Liver damage, Heart attack and stroke, ultimately leading to death.

I guess you can say it was a matter of when, not if, for me. All three of my living grandparents have the disease, an uncle, an aunt, and my mother. With a disease that is transmitted by genetics, I was doomed to possess it.

Initially, I was incredibly angry about the news, I struggled with the ever popular "Why me?" question. However, I turned all that energy into researching and learning about Diabetes. Using knowledge as ammunition in my own personal war. I exercise more then I ever have, and eat like someone who owns stock in Whole Foods Stores. Since being diagnosed, I have had no symptoms, no complications, but everyday I still wake up to my Grendel. Despite every effort I make to contain the monster, it isn't going anywhere soon.

A friend of mine, posted a bulletin about deathclock.com today, my results said I'd live until 2071. I laughed, and then decided I'd write this blog entry, in defiance to this damn disease, it's something I rarely speak of, I think this is the first time, I've spoken in a public place about it. Maybe it took those stupid results...to further inspire me to overcome that which it seems I can never truly defeat. Thanks Lisa.