"Saying everything, without a word spoken"

I can still see those beautiful eyes looking back at me.
They seemed filled with utter sadness and total guilt,
Yet showed me the hope and true love underneath all the pain.
Those eyes always possessed a magical power over my soul,
I could feel myself breaking free from self-imposed restraints,
And the only reprieve that came, was from the cold blowing breeze,
That temporarily set me free, as her bangs obscured her eyes.
Only to lose all self-control again when our eyes locked once more.

The world around us was bitter cold and dark like pitch,
Strangers walked by us, but we heeded their forms little attention,
Traffic passed by and broke the silence of a quiet winter night,
Drowning out the low humming of blinking street lights,
But the only world that mattered to me could be found in her eyes.
Hand in hand, the rest of existence mattered little to us.

A collection of uneasy silence and innocent smiles passed between us,
Talking matters little, when love bonds your souls to each other.
Words can hardly explain emotions that transcend language,
You could never do your true feelings justice with simple speech.
Instead, everything that needed to be said, was explained from within,
And her dark and beautiful eyes, and it broke my heart.

How many times had I stood in this one place on Earth,
And yet this night it seems so unfamiliar, but so comfortable.
A single evening together, that lasted only five brief minutes,
Transcends a thousand other less precious memories of my past.
I will forever remember this one spot, with this single moment in time.
We already share so much of our past, but that night we added so much more.

My life's simple truths

Life's simple truths: (my own survey of self, because no one really cares what your favorite color is, or the last time you smoked was)

Spirituality:

I do not believe that life is pointless, I believe in meaning, purpose, that our reason for being is beyond simple existence.

I do not believe in simple coincidence. I believe in destiny, and fate, yet understand that such things will only take you so far. While they may show you the door and grant the opportunity, it is you alone that can make the choice to move forward through the doorway and accept the opportunity that fate have given you. Wasting such chances to follow your souls path can only lead to the life, you were never meant to live.

I believe each person I met in life, had something to teach me. That I am a student in a classroom we call life, that certain truths exist beyond humanities complete understanding, and those truths can never be told, only learned with time and experience. As my life continues to evolve through my experiences, my memories become the answers to tomorrow's tests.

I believe that my life crosses paths with people over and over again, because there is still something left to give or receive in that relationship, and fate will continue to present the opportunity to fulfill that objective that our existence has in store for us.

I have learned that no single religion has it right, but there are pieces of each of those religions that when placed together along side each other, all say the same message. I've learned that organized religion strips the personal connection with one's spirituality and restricts one's ability to figure out the universe for themselves; No one should be told what to believe.

I do believe in a higher being, a power that influences our existence, but I doubt he's an old gray bearded man in a tunic lying on a cloud, besides, based on natural fact, shouldn't a "creator" be female?

I believe in reincarnation, I think that if we are living through existence for a reason, it is to learn something. Don't be so cocky to assume that everything your spirit needs to learn about existence can be squeezed into a single lifetime, and then wasted sitting on a cloud in paradise. With that said, wouldn't it help to explain why we're so unique, that each of us is learning different lessons in different lives, and helping one another to understand those teachings that our experiences help to present to us.

Romance:

I have tasted true love's kiss

I have fallen in love at first sight

I have met my soul mate and she is everything I thought she'd be and more.

I have had my heart shattered and destroyed, and the pain produced, still echoes through my soul, weakening the walls that bind my sanity. I have found that nothing in life is more painful then a broken heart, and it's debilitating powers can consume ones mind for years, if not forever. I learned through experience that nothing but time can stop the pain, but the scars produced never fade with age.

I have learned that people seem to get dumped a lot more in September, then any other month.

I've taken back someone that hurt me badly, only to have her do it again.

I can honestly say the first thing I look at, are her eyes.

I have learned that you can forgive them, but never forget what they did to you.

I know what it feels like, to love someone so much, that you would willingly sacrifice your life, for theirs.

I know how it feels to be in love with someone beyond your reach, and know that they love you too, but that your lives have made it difficult to act on those feelings and emotions. Instead your love, becomes the ingredients that make your dreams and your desires are banished to your soul for safe keeping.

I know how it feels to sacrifice your own love, for the happiness of someone you've never met.

I have found that you can't have everything you want, but that shouldn't stop you from trying to get what you want, and fighting for everything you have.

I have learned that buying her flowers for no reason, on some random day, seems to have a much greater impact then the three dozen roses on Valentine's Day.

I have ran away from my problems and avoided pain, because I was scared of being hurt. I avoided facing my fears, because there were simply too many to take on at once. But I have learned never to do that again.

I have made my share of mistakes, and despite the pain some brought to my life, I do not regret those choices, for they undeniably helped prevent greater pain later, and helped me to realize those things that are not mistakes, nor regrets.

In the end I guess...

I am just the same, as all the rest.
I am not the worst, but I am not the best.

It was like being on Mars

The most quiet place on Earth, Prince Edward Island, a vacation from the world. I was looking for a somewhere to gather my thoughts, reflect on the past that I was avoiding, and build the foundation to a new future, and tranquil PEI was that place. Although the island has all the amenities of modern culture, the environment and the people who dwell there year round seem to take a page from a much simpler past, time really does stand still there. I decided that on this adventure, their would be no package deals, no pre-arranged anything, just two people, a map and a rental car.

DAY 1:
After a short flight to Halifax, Nova Scotia, and the constant screenings and customs oriented questioning brought on by September 11th, we boarded a tiny prop plane that and flew the 3 hours to the remote island north of Nova Scotia, just southwest of Newfoundland. We arrived at the only airport on the island in Charlottetown, the capital "city" (it's really just a big town, smaller then Cranston). I can't say I really enjoy traveling in prop driven aircraft, and the landing. yah.

After we checked in at our "Strange" hotel, (She picked it out because it had a water slide that entered and exited throughout the walls of the hotel) we went out for, of all things Mexican, at this place in "downtown" called Pat and Willy's Cantina (this will be the only restaurant on the island that doesn't feed me shellfish). After driving around the town a bit (on a stomach full of Margaritas) and getting our bearings we called it a night.

DAY 2:
Today was the day to explore the Charlottetown area. We had breakfast at this small caf on Victoria Row, then jumped on this tour that was conducted from the only genuine London double-decker bus in North America, always wanted to ride one of those. Then we visited the Confederation Mall (a upscale mall full of little boutiques). I found this awesome, privately owned bookshop with this stereotypical librarian looking woman working behind the counter. I ended up buying a first edition, first run "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" (The original British version wasn't called Sorcerer's Stone), and that book was my most prized artifact from the entire trip. After the mall, we visited this cult phenomenon of an ice cream shop called "C.O.W.S." and indulge in all manner of horrible things. After our sugar shock we walked over to the Charlottetown Museum. The artwork was ultra contemporary for a town that seemed stuck in a time warp. I suppose many of the artists there are sort of entrenched in postmodernism as they attempt to get beyond the world their finding themselves living in (we'll get there later). The most exciting spectacle in the museum was probably Alyssa and I dancing in front of a Degas painting. After the museum we visited Peake's Wharf (the Plymouth Rock of Canada) where I had my first taste of PEI Potatoes in the form of French Fries, and met this funky Ultra patriotic Scottish guy.

Ok I'll explain now, Prince Edward Island has A LOT of iron oxide in the soil, therefore the entire island is Fire-Engine RED, the ground is justbright REDeverywhere. It's like being on Mars. The iron oxide does crazy things to the vegetation on the island. The perfect example being the potatoes, they come in all different colors, the most popular being purple. The island's potatoes are considered gourmet by world standards and are highly sort after by culinary masters around the world, because there are subtle changes in the flavors of the different colors. It made for a very interesting selection of potato dishes that I'd experience while on the island.

We ate dinner on the wharf that night, watching the sunset from the upper deck of the restaurant. I found my completely indulging in the food in PEI, as I bought myself lobsters for dinner. Also the other PEI staple food became apparent, musselstons and tons of mussels. Everywhere you ate, everything you ordered ALWAYS came with buckets (literally) of mussels, and some restaurants would put mussels on the tables the way "normal" restaurants might put a small basket of bread out. I ended up eating more mussels during my stay in PEI then the entire sum of my previous 24 years on this Earth (I also had to eat her's, she's vegetarian), I haven't eaten them since.

That night driving back to the hotel, She decided we needed to make good on a promise to her family, so we stopped at the Island's only Wal-Mart and purchased 28 BOXES of Kinder Eggs for her family (they have an obsession, and you can't buy them in the United States). That evening was also the night we partook of the bizarre waterslides that criss-crossed through the hotel, inside and outside.

Day 3:
Today we got in the car and drove out to the furthest point west on the entire island, following the "Blue Heron" and "Lady Slipper" trails on the maps. The drive was endless with its agriculture farms and miles of unsettled land, untouched except for the pavement of the road we drove on. The island beyond the confines of Charlottetown was so quiet, and desolate. I drove for hours down roads that gave us a view of nothing more then hay and potato fields as far as the eye could see in every direction.

The farthest point west was a lighthouse that doubled as a restaurant and an inn, so we decided to eat there for lunch. Yes, I had more mussels, but the bread was even better, it was fresh baked on site. We walked the beach for a bit, collecting red sand (yes, even the beaches are bright red), there was no one on the beach except for us, this island can almost be TOO quiet at times.

I then drove to the new hotel, the Roud Boudnell River Resort out the eastern edge of the island. When we arrived, we notice these goofy little "gnome" cottages in the area, and made fun, only to find out we were booked for oneso we upgraded, considerably. The new room was incredible, and had a balcony that overlooked the river. The entire resort was much more upscale then I was expecting and I felt a bit out of place at times. For dinner we visited the resorts "second" nicest restaurant, but there was NOTHING on the menu for her to eat, and the majority of dishes on the menu exceeded $50 a plate. So we ate at the clubhouse for the golf course instead, which was probably more fancy then most upscale restaurants I've been to in the past. Spent the night after dinner between the Jacuzzi and the indoor pool, met two cool women from Pennsylvania and Ohio we spent a hour or so just chilling and talking about the world.

DAY 4:
Today we did some activities around the resort area, slept in late, went back to the clubhouse for breakfast (the cost of playing a single round of golf at the resort was $190 USD). We drove down to a sleepy little fishing village called Montague, for a seal-watching cruise. We thought there would be something to see and visit in the town of Montague as we waited for the boat, but the town is TINY with no attractions beyond an antique shop. So I sat for a while on the docks watching the fishing boats come in and out of the harbor, pondering a billion questions to which there were no answers. The cruise was pleasant and although the seals were shy for the most part, it gave me the chance to travel the waterways for a while, see how they cultivated mussels in offshore nurseries made up of large ropes that hung down into the water, saw huge flocks of sea birds fly over the inlets, and basically witnessed the world go by one fishing boat at a time.

When we returned to the resort we played boules with a family (cross between bowling and bocce), while we waited for our stable time to arrive. That afternoon we went horseback riding, probably the most fun activity we did the entire trip. I had the pleasure of riding a Clydesdale named Buster; she rode a much smaller horse named Scout. It was my first time horseback riding, but it will not be the last. We rode a trail, through an incredible forest full of giant trees and deep cutting rivers, that lead us out to a large stretch of beach. I think the horse was afraid of the water, but seemed compelled to pick up the pace along the sandy beach, whether I wanted him to or not. We were escorted along the trail by a rather interesting guide who grew up on the island and claimed that he would never leave. He gave us a crash course on the lifestyle of the people who lived on the island, explaining how most people tend to not maintain careers, and instead switch jobs with the seasons. In the winter, the ocean around the island actually freezes, and life in PEI grinds to a halt as the winter consumes the entire island. There is little travel, supplies are stockpiled and people tend to ride out the winter in the company of their friends and family. Our trail guide was planning on being a carpenter for the winter, fixing up some houses in the region while he waited out the bitter winter.

After showering out the smell of the horses, we went to dinner at a restaurant called "Windows on the Water" (I wonder what their attraction is), then spent the remainder of the evening at the outdoor pool at the resort watching the stars slowly come out of hiding in the sky.

Day 5:
We are off to Cavendish today, the entertainment capital of the tourism community on the island. We found ourselves stopping at one of the world's Ripley's Believe It or Not museums (I don't remember how many are in the world). They actually had a portion of the Berlin Wall. My single observation from the exhibits was: "Too many people in the world, have too much time, and too many popsicle sticks".

Then we went to this replica town for "Ann of Green Gables" (seemed a lot like Sturbridge Village), I've never read the books, but it was explained to me that the storyline actually took place on PEI. It was a child's paradise, at least if he/she was interested in the books, I myself found the most interesting attraction being the chocolate shop, watching them make all the candy.

After leaving that throwback town, we went to this funky little amusement park full of rides completely reminiscent of Rocky Point. The park even had THE EXACT same rollercoaster as the Cyclone, even CALLED the Cyclone, that ride brought back some crazy memories of my childhood. On the way to the park we passed a Black light Mini Golf, interestingbut very cheesy, I still don't understand how she finished 5 under par - cheater.

That night our dinner plans included a Murder Mystery Dinner, the dinner was really fun and we sat with a couple from Ottawa on their honeymoon, and another couple from England who were currently living in Toronto. The food was good; the murder mystery was that much better (And yes, they served mussels). The entire room contained clues, and the suspects interacted with the crowd, very amusing.

Day 6:
Our last day before heading home, I got to make ALL the plans. We traveled back to Charlottetown and went to this 50's diner called Checkers for breakfast. All the tables in the restaurant were giant Checkers boards with giant pieces, so waiting for our food was actually an enjoyable game of losing horribly to her in Checkers. We caught up on a few interesting stores and shops we missed the first time in town, then sat for a bit in the town green listening to a brass band play. After another trip to "C.O.W.S." we checked into the hotel, grab our beach towels and took off to the beach. We found a small-secluded beach that sat below a waterfall that ran off the cliffs above the red sandy beach. The waterfall was fed from a natural spring underground, so the water was freezing, but it didn't stop us from having water fight. That night for dinner we went to this place "Piazza Joe's", they serve all these different kinds of breads, you choose from a variety of spreads, and you cook your selections over these indoor fire pits around the restaurant, very original.

In the end, I found Prince Edward Island to be the quietest place on Earth, a complete escape from the pressures of reality. I found each minute spent there gave me unlimited opportunity to unwind and ground myself after a long time of self-doubt and personal confusion in my life. For years I was consumed by all these questions about the difficulties of life and the path to my future, and while on the island, I realized that life really isn't as difficult as it seems. I discovered focus and understanding under those stars, along those lonely roads, and on those bright red beaches, and all the cares in the world were forgotten, at least for a while.


3X5

I'm writing you to catch you up on places I've been
You held this letter probably got excited,
but there's nothing else inside it

didn't have a camera by my side this time
hopping I would see the world with both my eyes
maybe I will tell you all about it
when I'm in the mood
to lose my way with words

Today skies are painted colors of a cowboy's cliche'
And strange how clouds that look like mountains
in the sky are next to mountains anyway

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
when I'm in the mood
to lose my way but let me say

You should have seen
that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
just no more 3x5's

Guess you had to be there
Guess you had to be with me
Today I finally overcame
tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it
when I'm in the mood
to lose my way but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise
with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
just no more 3x5's

By John Mayer

"Even The Angels May Fall"

He stood there silently looking down at his bruised hands,
turning them over and over, while he knelt to the floor,
as if he was looking for some tell-tale sign upon them,
to explain why it all seems to slip through his fingers.

His dark sorrowful eyes seem to have lost their brilliance.
Whatever light had once radiated from them,
was now consumed by the sadness in his soul.
Now faded, the windows to his tired consciousness,
are fogged over by the cold chill of a wintry existence.

From his seemingly quiet perch above the traffic below,
he stands witness to events for which he no longer controls.
Fate has once more played it's cruel hand against him,
and again it has chosen to punish him for his optimism.
Each time it seems, the rules to this life forever change,
So that he may be denied his chance to succeed in helping another.

Once again, the blistered wounds along his palms,
Become the obvious symbols of his continuous failures.
He said he would always be there no matter the cost,
that no man-made barrier could prevent his intervention.
Yet it seems that each time his vow needs testing,
fate and time work their combine power against him.

He tries so desperately hard to be the strength of others,
to stand firm against the terrible typhoon of pain this life inflicts,
yet the price he pays in sorrow, is the burden he must alone endure.
For he is not part of any ring, but instead is the last link in the chain.

The sun begins to sink below the contrasting horizon,
as the last rays of divine radiance play off the roof tops.
Another lonely night awaits him in the dark shadows of the world.
An evening spent pondering questions he himself can never solve.
Time spent waiting for another chance to prove his worth,
Only to find tomorrow, that the darkness did not remove his inadequacies.

Slowly he spreads his wings and looks to the sky with eyes turned pitch,
He says nothing, yet exclaims all his guilt and exposes all his hurt.
If this humble existence is but a trial of one's character,
What is the reward for his understanding of the lesson being taught.
For the tests he endures, only grant him further anguish.